No Bells. No Whistles.

 No Bells. No Whistles.

Entry 1:
  • Entry 2:
  • Entry 3:
  • F.O.M.O...
  • Entry 4:

  •  No Bells. No Whistles.


    Entry 1:



    A few months back I got upset with someone that I love. I became disappointed in them. Solely disappointed of how they repeatedly made me feel unappreciated and taken for granted. I didn't feel like they valued me. I'm sure I mentioned this to them before but tiptoed or stomped around the subject to try to keep some peace; mainly peace of mind (my mind). *I wanted (want) this person to remain in my life...

    My last words to them reflected all of the feelings that I had covered in frustration. I'm almost certain they felt the same as I did after I was done being vicious. I am remorseful yet feel like I would have never had the courage to step away or “clear my chest” if things didn't happen the way they did. --To clarify, you cannot truly justify being hurtful to someone and this not an attempt.-- This is me being accountable. I've already accepted the things I've said. I know [now] we will pass up the opportunity to... Let's just say we've had time and opportunities to address some things and remained silent. I have my reasons and they have theirs but I'm sure pride & pain are equally present. 

    So here it is. I'm collecting my missed opportunities and cashing them in. Will this person and I ever speak again? I pray so, but when the time is right [meaning I will no longer muddy the waters with my sense of timing]. I've learned to let love (of every type) rest. I've forgiven myself -- simply put. I've forgiven them. Well working on it, very close to 100%. This was/is difficult. My heart softens for them. And…

    "I Apologize! No if, ands or buts. "spades up" I know my wrong doing in the matter and I apologize for any negative pain I’ve caused you. We're probably equally as stubborn and prideful but I'm not bigger than my true self. I'm not asking you for anything in return. I’m not sure if we will bounce back from this or if I’ll owe you more apologies after this one but this one stands on a solid foundation. May we find peace and flourish with or without one another.

    With sincerity and love.

    Whether they see these words (in due time) or accept them, is not for me to worry about. I owed this to them. I owed this because my actions (words) were wrong and I also wanted this.
    * "I wanted (want) this person to remain in my life" - this is not a pass to allow someone to run wild in your life. You are your greatest gatekeeper! Protect your-whole-self. I require purpose and an honest mutual desire to be present when it comes to being in my life. Never force it and seldom beg. Loving from a distance is an overlooked blessing.

    No Bells. No Whistles.


    Entry 2:



    One of the best things you can do for yourself is, listen to your body. Our bodies are designed to function the best way they can on their own, with what they have. Cuts heal naturally, whether we decide to offer any assistance or not. Fluids and cells produce as they see fit and warning signs are given when components are missing, failing or not working properly.  Our job is simple; to adhere to the warning signs and provide the things of better quality that our bodies ask for. For the past few months my body has been sending me small signs that I summed up as simply symptoms of being tired; I’ve been fatigue, restless, easily overwhelmed, very forgetful, silently stressed (the worse form of stress), easily distracted, unmotivated to socialize –this alone should have made my light-bulb go off lol, temperamental and achy. "But that’s normal when you just keep going and going and going, right?" WRONG! Recently my body decided I needed a larger warning signal since I didn’t take direction or action on the other signs besides going to sleep (which didn’t help much --chronic fatigue). 

    As I made an attempt to work one hot summer evening my body had other plans. Suddenly my temperature became a bit bothersome, I began to sweat, my breathing was fighting its way out and my vision darkened (I was outside in the sun). I mumbled the words, “Hold on a minute I feel dizzy; let me sit right here.” to a friend. That’s all I remember. Until my eyes open, I felt a cold compress on my neck and was surrounded by people concerned and calling my name (thankfully most of those people were medical doctors who immediately shifted into work/save mode).  Just like that, I passed out!  Went completely black and can only listen to others rendition of what my body was doing during that time. I have no clue of the blackout duration. What I do know is I was freezing and my hands tingled for hours after. Oh, and I was completely freaked out. I was more frightened by not knowing what was wrong with me versus what happened to me. Let me explain something…

    Before this happened [passing out] and although I experienced the symptoms previously stated, I had made a conscious effort to increase my better habits --- you know, increase my water intake, try more organic vitamins and supplements, be off the grid active, read more, strengthen my muscle of certainty and so on. I was working with the person and body that I knew beyond extremely well while learning the person and body that it (I) was becoming. Inside-out was the goal.

    I knew I needed to figure out what was going on ASAP. I needed to decode the signals that were in front of me. I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I knew I couldn’t run whatever this was away in three miles and a gallon of water. I didn’t want to see a physician that would spend the law restricted seven minutes with me and prescribe me with a few prescriptions that help me temporarily, somewhat cure their educated guesses and provide a big payday for them. I did not want to an experiment. I wanted direct answers and I was going to get them.  *Yes, I am like this about everything for the most part. I don’t play when it comes to protecting myself and you shouldn’t either.* Sometimes knowing what you don’t want is very helpful in mapping out what you do want.

    What is it that I needed? How was I going to get the opposite of what I didn't want, for an affordable price, from a trusted medical professional and without using my passport to do so? What I needed was direct diagnoses, reasons and working plans to healing from someone that would take the time out to be attentive and thorough as a minimum -- Wellness is what I needed and wellness is what I sought out. Thanks to a recommendation from a friend and family member I recently went to a chiropractic and (w)holistic -wellness doctor.  In other words, exactly what I needed.  I left my session with so much information about myself, family medical history and what was happening inside my body. My visit was great confirmations and surprises included.

    So, what made me black out that day? What’s happening in my body? Right now a lot more harm than health but with the commitment to roll my sleeves up more and get busy I’ll be back at a point of proactive health and health maintenance versus starting over and reactive health measures in no time. *Call to action* Imagine following instructions of a recipe to bake a cake step-by-step but the cake comes out distorted or undone every time. Something just isn’t right, not adding up, simply wrong. You test the oven, change the pan, get a new timer, etc. Then you realize, one of the most important ingredients has lost its effectiveness. It was going bad without any physical signs- that you noticed. With all of the commitment to my healthy habits I was certain that my results would reflect in no time. I was at a lost. I’ve even mentioned some of the things I was doing to others because I believed in their benefits. I still believe in their benefits but now I know two very important ingredients in the recipe of my body functioning properly are not working the way they are designed to.

    First, my body is not absorbing the nutrients that I’m putting into it. Think of filling up your gas tank and the premium fuel is not cycling through.  Your car would run off of fumes for a while but eventually it would stall and just stop.  Secondly, my oxygen levels are extremely low. My lungs aren’t getting enough oxygen and neither is my brain due to some blockage. These are major yet correctable issues. I can’t fix these issues at the gym, by doing yoga everyday or with my favorite social media fitness “professional” alone. Those things would probably hurt more than help at the moment.  A quick shift to small changes, diligent course of actions, prayer and much patience/time is my current plan. I’m tuning into overlooked or overworked areas of my body (mind included). I’m embracing the changes now that I know what’s happening. I couldn’t be anymore grateful to know what’s happening to me internally. I was certain I knew myself inside and out and I was completely fine. Shallow breathing is normal when you slacked on your consistency. Being tired is normal when you’ve mastered late nights and early mornings… These consequences may normally hold true but you have to know and listen to YOUR body. You are not generic.

    If "forever young" is the goal you have to practice the mature art of listening. Listen to what your thoughts are actually saying, listen to and feel what your body is telling you and listen to what the universe is signaling and prescribing. During the time of me overlooking and ignoring my warning signs, three people close to me were diagnosed with life changing medical issues; UM HELLO THERE! Things do not have to happen directly to you to resonate loudly.  I’m blessed to be in an area of correction but I might have been in another area if I didn’t turn my listening volume up and take action. 

    To Be Continued…

    No Bells. No Whistles.


    Entry 3:




    Over the latter part of the week I came up with exciting plans about my weekend. I knew I was going to be a house body on Thursday and Friday then fill my day with pampering, smiles, love and laughs on Saturday + Sunday. I’m not the “I live for the weekend” type but when I get a weekend all about me I get very excited; panic even lol. I slept in and woke up ready to start the day with me, myself and I. UNTIL… My thumbs went to Instagram and I saw a post which peaked my interest. Instantly my mind started calculating and mentally shifting my plans around; “I can make this happen!” “This is a sign, an opportunity.” I thought to myself.  I hopped up filled with energy that quickly turned into anxiety. I started ‘getting myself together’ for a lack of better terms. Grabbing hair supplies, thinking of what I’d wear, skip eating, estimating a time to walk out the door, etc. Then I suddenly stopped. I was rushing.  I said to myself, “I’m rushing and yes this is a (or would be because I’d kill it) great opportunity but I’m not prepared for it at the moment.”  This is not because I am religiously unprepared {which I’ve been praying about}. This is because I wasn’t in that space. I wasn’t prepared physically to give my best in a short amount of time because I wasn’t prepared mentally to be there. I had my plan; I needed this weekend and those plans. Yes, plans don’t go as they are planned and one has to remain flexible and more importantly prepared/ready but I was anxious about a possibility out of F.O.M.O – Fear Of Missing Out.

    The Truth of the matter is:

    I can pray about all the flaws within me and the ones I mentioned above. I can also change them- major plus and even better once I do. The real prize here is remaining committed. When you begin working on something you have to remain committed throughout the process in order to see an outcome in its truest form. Self-commitment is very important. I can take calculated risk but I can’t flake on myself without a loss. Every “opportunity” is not going to present itself in a manner where I’ll be completely prepared for it, opportunities still require work. Yet I like to BELIEVE that every opportunity for ME will present itself in a manner that offers multiple ways of obtaining it. See, I WILL NOT MISS WHAT’S FOR ME. It’s not going to happen any other way because I’m setting out to claim what is set aside for me.

    I tap into my source, utilize my resources and remain committed. No need to become anxious and increase my pace to a level that makes me uncomfortable. No need to feed into the hype of what works for someone else. I’m the slow and steady but never miss type champion. I’m on team “We Nap” not team “No sleep”. I don’t speed up because someone else is. I don’t rush into much and I read everything (honestly therein lies the loopholes). And. I. THINK. I never stop thinking. I am “Quaintly Unconventional” (shameless plug) to my core. So whether “was this a great opportunity or not?” isn’t the question but “how will it present itself with another way of obtaining it?” is.

    Screw F.O.M.O ladies and gentlemen! It has nothing to do with you being at the center or what will be missed, so what’s the point. There is much better fear to have, use it to claim what’s yours.

    Stay committed, happy weekend & Godspeed.

     No Bells. No Whistles.


    Entry 4:




    Around this time a year ago I wrote a No Bells. No Whistles. entry titled “Writing Wrongs”.  And ironically at the most appropriated time, thanks to Facebook, I was reminded about it. Before the ‘memories’ reminder I had not read that entry since the day I penned it. I remember vividly the emotional space I was in when writing it (read it here to see).  Sometimes I write from a scar; meaning healed, prepared to share the story behind it, if asked and little to no pain surrounding it. Then sometimes I write from a wound…

    Writing from a wound is on a whole different level. You’re able to see everything just maybe not clearly because of the process that’s inevitably happening. The healing process is painful and it doesn’t wait for you to prepare, get ready or accept its arrival. *SLICE* you’re cut, you feel the pain, If you react/process things quickly (which I do) you’ll see the opening and the things that were covered inside, you see the blood – at this point you’ve processed it, a reaction has happened and ready or not healing has kicked in. You’ll be fine. But it doesn’t feel like it, especially emotionally. Every minute, hour sometimes days, weeks or even months go by and you’re in the same pain as the initial second of being cut. If only we could keep up with the natural process of it all…

    After reading writing wrongs for the first time in a year I realized we can keep up or at least close enough to play peacefully with the pain.

    Much like anything that’s priceless, it requires work and a healthy relationship with change. It requires a mental toughness as well as mindfulness, awareness and tough love. The truth behind “Writing Wrongs” was that I wrote it to speak to several different people in my life at the time, lifetime and over their time. I’m not 100% sure if they all got around to reading it (I didn’t send it to them) but I wrote directly to each one of them. I meant every word written, second guessed a few, regretfully put some into the universe (It gives you ALL that you ask for) yet overall learned a lot, helped many and became even more grateful. Three of the best things that I learned (well re-learned) are:

    I. You do not have to rebuild a relationship with someone you’ve forgiven.

    People show you what they think of you. It’s your duty to see it for what it is, not what you’d want it to be. A person that values you, wants you in their life that appreciates you or just wants the best for you will show you without any questions. These things and honest love are selfless acts (narcissists need not to pretend and apply). Even after you’ve forgiven them –multiple times, for some – they may still throw daggers with intentions to harm you (never admittedly so). That is okay! It’s a guarantee that they know exactly what you’ve done for them, the impact and impressions you’ve made and that they’ll never be able to forget you. *Round of applause* You’ve set the standard and raised the bar ▬ 

    II. Maturity and embracing change are learned practiced behaviors.

    I love change!!! I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of it or what it actually meant. More often than not change sends signs that it’s coming and notice that you have to make room for it. Now, the make room part has do to with maturity. I had to learn how to practice performing the balancing act between harshly discarding and freely letting go & holding on too tight, making things stay and just letting be.  Nothing willing needs to be forced or tight-gripped into position; its form is fluid.

    III. Greatness has the power to intimidate. 

    Without your assistance or doing, your strengths can ruffle the feathers of those that are led by their weaknesses. You are not to change anything about yourself to help them with this! That simple.

    I learned a lot more but for now I’ll end with this.

    I may never raise my glass to salute the past again because it doesn’t deserve continuous praise in my present or future.  

    It’s laid to rest as it should be.


     All the energies, unwelcome guest and vibes that came along with it have been placed in there proper places to help piece together the stepping stones to levitate.

    Frankly speaking, I’m ‘wishing you Godspeed, glory – there will be mountains you won’t move.’

    Ocean type waves I produce, how I do.

     ‘I let go of my claim on you; it’s a free world.’

    Pretending I don’t have a heart won’t help me or save the world.

    The universe fills every petition large or small. This I know to be true.

    Re-read “writing wrongs” until every lie that has piled up has no choice but to crumble and fall.

    Better isn’t coming, it’s already here.

    No regrets or fears, room has been made.

    Lighter load since I took the trash out multiple times this year.

    Protect you peace and keep your joy.

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